Embracing braver attitude towards change

Most of us like our comfort zone, with the people and activities that are integral part. In these modern times, changes to the comfort zone take place without asking for permission. The hope for future can help counterbalance the fear of uncertainty and attachment to what we have. Personal insights may arise and show the way to a balanced life while coping with change. 

In general, human beings are resistant to change. Especially when we have love in our lives and we are thriving, why should we want to change anything?

We may not like changes but changes like us. The idea of permanence, about which some of us may feel comfortable and safe, becomes slowly an utopia. We may live in different homes at different stages. There are more divorces. Friends move abroad and other people take their place.

Even when life is not so satisfying, we may still muse and ponder whether to make any change. This is the case of a friend who feels that she works in an organisation where she can’t use her full potential, and yet, “I’ll keep this job for three more years. I shall see after that.”

Sometimes we may be forced to make a change. The company where a friend was working closed its activities this Summer. Despite that he was previously considering to look for a more rewarding and meaningful job, he didn’t take quite well the news that he is jobless.

The way I see it, being able to cope with change is a must-develop skill both personally and professionally – in particular if we specialise in knowledge-intensive fields.

The way we embrace change is an interplay between uncertainty, emotional attachment to what we have in the present and hope. After going through quite some changes in my life so far, I’ve concluded that life is all about changes. So, how can we use hope to shine through fears and attachments in order to live fully?

Initially, fear may be the queen of our emotions about change. While fear is natural, we have the option to give it a positive twist by trying to manage it. This may be more difficult when we are not be willing to admit we have any fear. Instead, we blame others for circumstances that led to changes in our life.

For example, we may think it is our boss’s fault for lacking the competence to maintain the profitability of the department. As a result, the board decided to outsource the activities of the department, including our job. We may blame the persons with whom our partners cheated on us.

While these accusations may be well founded, it’s better for our wellbeing to stop giving them importance. It’s a better use of time to turn the focus to ourselves and sort out how we can go through the change.

We could try visualising how our life will be in one or two years after making the change. Creating positive scenarios of the future may give us the boost to make the first baby steps in the process. For example, taking a short vacation or long walks daily – anything else that relaxes the mind and brings peace to the soul. The more we open to a new stage of life, the more we’ll be able to recognise and react to the opportunities that come into our way.

When we loosen up from the grip of fear, we can start getting curious about how we can improve whatever happens in the present. Who can help us? How we can reach out to the people who can be helpful? Moreover, there is another kind of curiosity that we can sparkle – the curiosity about any personal insights into our inner lives.

Self-inquiry may make us want to explore:

  1. What it means to accept our fears. Fears may teach us some useful lessons about how we live our life. This requires that we get over the stage when we are stuck in the realm of fears and expand out attention to what lies beyond them. For example, you get dump and among other things, you are afraid you won’t be loved again. Why would you have such a fear? What is it about you that you feel that another person won’t fall in love with you? What kind of a person you dream to be in order to make someone fall for you? etc.
  2. What it means to look with anticipation at the future. Hope about tomorrow may increase our ability to dream today and get some inspiration for how to live in the present. In the case of my friend who lost his job in the Summer, while he was seeking for another job, he remembered about an old passion for which he hadn’t had time. He contemplated changing his career to follow the respective passion. This led him to starting to study a new field.
  3. What it means to wait for the right opportunity. When we send our resumes to companies, we may finally get more offers to choose from. The offer that suits the best may not be the first one that comes. Intuition and peace of mind may be help while we are waiting. Continuing the story about my friend, while his studies were in progress, he was invited for an interview to a firm where he felt it is the work place for him at the moment.
  4. What it means to discover hidden sides of your true-self, such as the intuitive nature, the strength and flexibility. It can happen that while we are focusing on a particular goal during change, other opportunities come up and are very beneficial. These are opportunities we haven’t considered ever before but which may be just the right thing for us in the midst of change. Returning to the scenario when you get dumped, receiving a job offer in another country may be the best thing that can happen to you.
All these inquiries can lead to the realisation that mindfulness is very important for a balanced life through change. By mindfulness, I mean the orientation of one’s experiences in the present moment, orientation characterised by curiosity, openness and acceptance. Life does not end at the bumps of change. Life continues!

Now, please share with us how do You cope with forced change?

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What is failure?

In order to achieve wealth, humankind invented the concept of performance. Charles Darwin’s theory on survival of the fittest is confirmed in everyday life when winners are loved, losers forgotten. Despite all this, with each omission of performance, we have the chance to discover what is truly important for us. 

The other side of performance

The Merriam-Webster dictionary says that failure is “omission of occurrence or performance.”. Already in kindergarten, we are introduced to the world of performance, when we recite poetry, dance and sing in front of the audience of parents.

Our taste for performance develops as we go through school. Yet, in school we are not taught how to cope with failure.

We are motivated with grades and praises to be successful. The top students are the favourites of teachers.

When we start our working life, the mere presence of our boss is a reminder that we are hired there to perform.

Choose any profession and you’ll have a set of performance measures assigned to it. For example, doctors can be assessed based on the number of patients. Researchers can be evaluated based on the number of publications and the quality of journals where they publish their work.

What happens if we fail to perform?

Whether we are fired or penalised for bad performance, we have the opportunity to look at life from a deeper perspective. Even those of us who perceive themselves as performers are not defined by performance.

Our identity does not need to be based on profession. We may need to reassess what we are good at, what motivates us, what makes us tick.

Performance may play its role in the evaluation of progress in economy but it should not be confused with Life.

We are human beings with amazing potential to express ourselves freely and creatively. For that, we need to get out of the way the obsession with performance.

In my personal dictionary, failure is the opportunity to get in touch with our intuition and start acting based on it.

 

Bye bye sufferance, welcome mindfulness!

Making changes in life is a complex process, which can cause lots of confusion. Mindfulness, the ability to focus on the present without being judgemental can help us manage the change in a healthier and more pleasant manner.

When we talk about change in personal life, mindfulness means mainly wrapping ourselves in the love inside and around us. At the same time, it is important to cultivate patience, courage and faith – pillars of mindfulness of change. 

What is the intuition telling you?

Now when the Spring is sheepishly showing its face, some of us can’t help paying attention to their inner voice which says, “A new stage of life transformation is waiting for you.”

It’s not the first life transformation you’re going through! Oh no! Your soul and mind remember how it is to be battered with self-doubt, insecurities and fear of failure. Agonising between the lows of disappointment and the highs of envisioned dreams, you may conclude, “Why bother! Life is good the way it is!”.

For some of us, life is good the way it is, and we are free to reply to our inner voice, “Why don’t you bugger off?”

Others say, “You know what, Inner Voice? This new life transformation is part of my destiny. Thank you for reminding me! ”

For once, we can make the change happen with less sufferance, and a more positive attitude to change.

Positive Attitude to Change

Love: Focusing on the love inside and around us is the anchor to the present.

Be present both with the body and soul to the dear ones who need us. Find creative ways of spending time together. Be receptive to their needs.

You may think you don’t have time. Well, think twice. Don’t underestimate the inspiration and creativity that spring from love.

Patience: Take the steps towards the new chapter in life, but do keep in mind that patience is a virtue. Be persistent and reassess your strategies.

Life transformation is a complex process that consists of different stages: hearing the inner call to change, searching for ways to make it happen, concrete actions, achievement.

Courage: Achievement means living the transformation. There is no such thing as failure. Each transformation brings us closer to who we really are.

The transformed life may not be the way we envisioned it, but it surely feels that’s the life we are meant to live.

Faith: Hold onto the belief that change has its own timing. Don’t be discouraged by the surrounding reality, which does not seem to point in the direction of change.

The way the first bird singing signals that Spring is around the corner, in the same way, the whisper of the inner voice shows that we will get all the help of the Universe to make the transformational stage happen.

Last but not least, take a deep breath, relax and enjoy the ride with all the bumps on the road! This is life!